Christmas...

While one family rejoices, another one hurts. This is not something my positive mind takes and understands very easily. It's that moment when you realize that no matter how positive your words, no matter how hard you to try smile- the pain is still there and it's not going away. There is not too much more i want to write about Christmas- it is better shown through pictures. I do want to say though, that i now firmly believe our journey was not supposed to start in December like we had hoped at first- but in the new year. A sense of peace and excitement has come over me and i cannot wait to schedule that first drs. appointment. OH and Landyn and I are going to NJ in 2 weeks! No appointments to cancel or ruin the trip- just the 4 of us together for a weekend! we are so EXCITED!! now on to the photos...

...the journey continues

Today was one more of those days when you take a deep breath and feel like everything is falling in to place.  How nice that feeling is and how often it is taken for granted. Yesterday i completed my 'gestational carrier packet' (AKA surro packet) for clinic numero 3. After submitting that i received a call from the carrier coordinator and LOVED her! It was such a nice thing to feel good and confident after getting off the phone! Tara had more appointments at the clinic today and was still happy with the new people she met and the progress that's finally coming together. She will be starting BCPs soon and that is the first step towards egg retrieval! I cannot even fathom having that done- it is going to be so exciting to have that done and to get them fertilized and tested. [ohh, the speech of a surro, ha] Unfortunately, the carrier coordinator is out of town for the holidays (must be nice!) so once i have the rest of the records they need in, i will have 2 phone appointments and then when she gets back in to town we will schedule the 'All Day' appointment. THIS appointment is very important- this is the appointment where Tara, Andres, and I all go in to the clinic together to complete all pre-screening and tests, including a psych eval and my mock transfer! I could talk about my excitement forever. So i will wrap up this post and leave you with this picture- i find it on a lot of surrogate's Pinterest boards, and you will find it on mine. Sure, it can relate to a lot of things in life, but this really sums up surrogacy to me.

...a quickie

Tara & Andres went for their first appointment with our 3rd clinic this morning. Tara sounds very happy about it! ::deep breath:: it's all going to work out! They said my uterus looks good and now we're just waiting  for the rest of my records from the hospital where i delivered my daughter. Tara has another appointment on the 18th to meet with the clinic's surrogacy team! woohoo! As of today the plan is to run her through a donor cycle and then test and freeze all embys if they look good- and possibly a transfer in February or March. It's definitely not the time line we originally set out with, but God's got a plan! I'm just so relieved at this point that they have seen most my records and everything looks good. I'm more than happy that they are happy with the clinic and i CANNOT wait to get to NJ and finally meet them face-to-face!

haha!!

...a little pain

This post is going to be difficult to write which is why it's a few days late. Last week we received a phone call from the clinic saying they did not believe I would make a good carrier.
...heart break...
After further phone calls and 3 trips to my OB/GYNs office, I feel much more educated and understanding of how the medical records review process works. Alongside with my doctor and Tara, I feel prepared and confident going in to a consult with yet another new clinic.
Needless to say, our trip to New Jersey was postponed. However, I do need to give an explicit amount of praise to the relationship I have been able to build with Tara and Andres. They are not leaving my side, nor am I leaving theirs. We are in this together and I feel so blessed! God is good.

Almost there!

Only 2 days till L and I get to meet Tara and Andres in NJ! We're so excited: it feels like Christmas!

...Only in our world...

To keep you up to date...

L received a giant tattoo kit from Tara! And oh man does she love tattoos!!

We're officially on the 7 day countdown to our eval and consult appointment with the clinic in NJ. I am so excited!

Wedding bells...

Andres and Tara officially tied the knot yesterday!!! I am already excited for the big reception to happen after baby arrives...

On another quick note: Tara's appointment with the new clinic went FABULOUS today and knowing how happy she is with them makes me very excited and eager to get to my appointment!

Found this poem today and had to add it on to today's post:

A Dream (Surrogacy Poem)

by Lain

Our friendship started differently,
Than most friendships I've had.
We had to search each other out,
because of something sad.

A precious child to fill your hearts,
Is what you're longing for.
Infertility has made it hard,
to open up that door.

And so a search began for you,
to find a helping heart.
So similar to my own search,
not knowing where to start.

For me, the search is special,
it requires such great care.
A couple to have a child...
the fruit my search must bare.

Now we've found each other,
so much more real it seems.
Through faith and hope and honesty,
we're moving toward your dream.

But the dream we have,
it is the same, a dream that's filled with firsts.
First smiles, first laughs, first steps, first words.
All starting with a birth.

Often times I find myself wondering what it's like,
to have to trust a stranger with such a precious life.
And though I can't imagine,all that you've been through,
I hope you know I'll do my best to bring a child to you.

Surrogacy is something not everyone can do.
But I've been so blessed in my life,
I'm drawn to helping you.
Some people call us Angels, us surro-moms to be.
But I don't feel angelic, I just feel like me.

Our journey is just starting,
and no one knows the end.
I pray it brings to you a child,
and brings to me a friend.

and she's at it already!

Thursday evening we were greeted at the door by a GIANT box from the nice 'ol UPS man! Upon checking  out the contents it was quite clear who this box belonged to! My daughter, Landyn was more than ecstatic as she opened it making remarks like, "it's what I've always wanted!" As if my daughter isn't already spoiled enough- we're adding another spoiler to the group! I am truly blessed to have matched with someone willing to send my daughter little (and giant) gifts to make sure she feels special!

Our contract has been reviewed by both attorneys and HOPEFULLY we'll have it signed and completed this upcoming week! I am so very excited to get started on this journey with such wonderful people!

...and then there were 3!

That's right! I'm officially matched and couldn't be more excited! The Lord has seriously brought us together and made everything fall in to place. We started talking on October 4th and 20 days later we have agreed on a contract after only 3 days! Now off to Simi Denson to review on my behalf! Next step: my phone conference with the RE on Holloween! It cannot come fast enough! Now a little about us:

Taryn [me]- The Surrogate
I am a 24 year old single mother of a beautiful, feisty, hot tempered, but very very sweet, red-headed 4 year old! I'm a case coordinator for elderly and mentally/physically disabled, and absolutely love my job! I've been a part of the surrogacy world for over 4 years now, and have made some amazing relationships. I set out ready to wait a couple years to find that 'perfect match' and God decided that time was now! Regardless of my questions, He kept slapping me in the face with signs... so this, is my journey!

Tara & Andres- The Intended Parents [aka. Mommy & Daddy]
Tara, 31 & Andres, 29 have been together for 2 years and some change. (I should mention that Tara will be a beautiful Bride very shortly!) Tara works in the student accounting department at Berkeley college and Andres is going through the process to become a police officer after serving our country as a marine. Tara did give birth to a beautiful baby girl, on June 19, 2012. However, due to a rare heart defect, she was only able to spend a month here with her parents before going home with God.