Christmas...

While one family rejoices, another one hurts. This is not something my positive mind takes and understands very easily. It's that moment when you realize that no matter how positive your words, no matter how hard you to try smile- the pain is still there and it's not going away. There is not too much more i want to write about Christmas- it is better shown through pictures. I do want to say though, that i now firmly believe our journey was not supposed to start in December like we had hoped at first- but in the new year. A sense of peace and excitement has come over me and i cannot wait to schedule that first drs. appointment. OH and Landyn and I are going to NJ in 2 weeks! No appointments to cancel or ruin the trip- just the 4 of us together for a weekend! we are so EXCITED!! now on to the photos...

...the journey continues

Today was one more of those days when you take a deep breath and feel like everything is falling in to place.  How nice that feeling is and how often it is taken for granted. Yesterday i completed my 'gestational carrier packet' (AKA surro packet) for clinic numero 3. After submitting that i received a call from the carrier coordinator and LOVED her! It was such a nice thing to feel good and confident after getting off the phone! Tara had more appointments at the clinic today and was still happy with the new people she met and the progress that's finally coming together. She will be starting BCPs soon and that is the first step towards egg retrieval! I cannot even fathom having that done- it is going to be so exciting to have that done and to get them fertilized and tested. [ohh, the speech of a surro, ha] Unfortunately, the carrier coordinator is out of town for the holidays (must be nice!) so once i have the rest of the records they need in, i will have 2 phone appointments and then when she gets back in to town we will schedule the 'All Day' appointment. THIS appointment is very important- this is the appointment where Tara, Andres, and I all go in to the clinic together to complete all pre-screening and tests, including a psych eval and my mock transfer! I could talk about my excitement forever. So i will wrap up this post and leave you with this picture- i find it on a lot of surrogate's Pinterest boards, and you will find it on mine. Sure, it can relate to a lot of things in life, but this really sums up surrogacy to me.

...a quickie

Tara & Andres went for their first appointment with our 3rd clinic this morning. Tara sounds very happy about it! ::deep breath:: it's all going to work out! They said my uterus looks good and now we're just waiting  for the rest of my records from the hospital where i delivered my daughter. Tara has another appointment on the 18th to meet with the clinic's surrogacy team! woohoo! As of today the plan is to run her through a donor cycle and then test and freeze all embys if they look good- and possibly a transfer in February or March. It's definitely not the time line we originally set out with, but God's got a plan! I'm just so relieved at this point that they have seen most my records and everything looks good. I'm more than happy that they are happy with the clinic and i CANNOT wait to get to NJ and finally meet them face-to-face!

haha!!

...a little pain

This post is going to be difficult to write which is why it's a few days late. Last week we received a phone call from the clinic saying they did not believe I would make a good carrier.
...heart break...
After further phone calls and 3 trips to my OB/GYNs office, I feel much more educated and understanding of how the medical records review process works. Alongside with my doctor and Tara, I feel prepared and confident going in to a consult with yet another new clinic.
Needless to say, our trip to New Jersey was postponed. However, I do need to give an explicit amount of praise to the relationship I have been able to build with Tara and Andres. They are not leaving my side, nor am I leaving theirs. We are in this together and I feel so blessed! God is good.